My Bloody Valentine

John Chard

7/10

11/30/2013

Harry Warden is dead… My Bloody Valentine is directed by Patrick Lussier and collectively written by Zane Smith, Todd Farmer and John Beaird. It stars Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Kevin Tighe and Tom Atkins. Music is by Michael Wandmacher and cinematography by Brian Pearson A remake of George Mihalker’s 1981 slasher, the 2009 version was released in a blaze of 3D frenzy, where it absolutely coined it in at the World’s box offices. It’s not hard to see why, for no matter how much we may moan about remakes and the general languid nature of slashers turned out just for coin, there’s a big market out there for them. As it happens this isn’t half bad, oh it’s all very familiar, there’s another Michael Myers clone stalking the residents of some American town and offing them in gruesome ways. Here the perp is The Miner, dressed up in his work clothes, armed with a pickaxe, face covered by a gas mask that in turn makes him creepy looking and gives him Darth Vader breathing exercises to do. The mystery element is that this new series of murders are being re-enacted from crimes ten years previously, so is the old killer back from the dead, or is there a copycat at large? Enter troubled teenagers, townsfolk acting suspiciously and mucho blood and screaming sitting in tandem together. There’s the requisite amount of nudity, including one of the longest nude scenes ever, while Lussier shows a good knack for blending humour with the terror. The 3D is of a high standard, and the sound mix is incredible, this really is one to give your sub-woofer a work out. It pans out as expected, but it manages to eek out good suspense for its finale and having Atkins and Tighe in the movie is a reassuring presence. The original was no great film anyway, and although this is better, it’s still just a bunch of acting props being killed in different ways. But it is effective and above all else it’s fun. 7/10